Within two hours of arriving in Totnes, Andy and I were worried we’d made a serious mistake by choosing it as the place to spend her birthday. There was a growing sense we were being ripped off in the name of the greater good. So much so that, while munching on our cheese and mushroom toasties, I threw together this very rough haiku:
Capitalists in Harem Pants
You tell me our planet is in a mess,
A way of justifying, I suspect,
Of charging more while giving less.
As for those toasties, they were a tenner each. A tenner! Three times more than we pay in Taunton (and we get more cheese there). The only way that price is justified is if the mushrooms were foraged in a glade which was lit by magic crystals and where baby unicorns frolicked. It was a bog-standard café to boot.
It wasn’t just the toasties that were the problem. We were staying in The Bull Inn, a place that describes itself as an organic, radical, and ethical pub, which is cool, sort of what we expected from Totnes. It was pricey, averaging out at just over a couple of hundred pounds a night, but we wanted somewhere special. First shock was discovering, after we’d booked, there were no TVs in the rooms. Normally, that’s not a problem; we don’t visit somewhere to sit in front of a TV. But it was the World Cup. Still, we brought a tablet with us.
What we deliberately didn’t pack was shower gel because, you know, two hundred pounds a night. Mistake. What the room had was a shard of soap. Lovely smelling and quality, but still a shard (there were more shards in a cupboard outside the room for when we needed a replacement) . The toilet paper was the thickness of a butterfly’s wings; a sign in the bathroom warned the towels may be hard and possibly slightly stained because of the ethical way in which they were cleaned; and the oscillating fan didn’t oscillate. Combined, not something you expect from accommodation with a hefty price tag. On the plus side, the room was big, the shabby chic décor right up our street, and staff exceedingly friendly (they let us check in when we arrived early at around 13:00).
First impressions of our return to Totnes after almost thirty years was it was a bit of a rip. A friend who visits regularly had warned us Totnes reminded her of Hay-on-Wye, where the neo-hippies had grown up, become wealthy, and had gentrified the place in their own alternative way. It’s aesthetically appealing and is refreshingly individualistic (up to a point), but the profiteering does feel at odds with a façade of sound ethics.
This was Totnes’s Mr Hyde side. And then Dr Jekyll showed up.
Alternative Totnes
Once we’d chilled, had a wander around the undeniably picturesque streets, downed a cool ale beside the river at the Steam Packet Inn, Totnes revealed a different face. It was the one which reminded us why we initially considered it as the place to move to when we stepped off the corporate ladder in 2003. Once away from the healing crystals, joints that made eating vegetarian nosh sound like a virtuous act, and gift shops featuring the sort of handcrafts and clothes from Asia and Africa that were novel in 1988, Totnes showed itself to still be creative and individualistic, but in a more down-to-earth fashion. One that was also both friendly and fun.
Over the span of the next three days and nights, the highlights piled up.
Sparkling Totnes Experiences
- The half tasting menu at Gather – a series of palate-pleasing taste sensations (lamb croquettes; courgette flowers filled with scallop mousse; quail with summer beans; Sharpham cheese with jam tart; wild strawberry crème brûlée). It wasn’t cheap, but the difference was it felt like value for money. It was the perfect special birthday meal.
- Post dinner, the band at the King William IV pub across the road from the restaurant had everyone singing along to numbers by The Jam, Arctic Monkeys, and Ocean Colour Scene. As most of the punters were of similar ages to us, it was a reminder that our g-g-generation still enjoy belting out rock songs old and new; something it can be easy to forget living in a tranquil rural village.
- The coolish, shady riverside walk along the River Dart to Dartington followed by a Morrisons’ meal deal lunch on Vire Island, a green and fresh oasis between the river and Mill Trail. Delightful, and it cost £7.50 as opposed to the previous day’s £26 for two toasties with apple juice.
- Dinner at the Waterside Bistro, chatting to another mixed marriage couple on holiday (the man from Glasgow, the woman from Reddish, coincidentally where Andy was born). Afterwards, watching Norway beat Brazil at The Dartmouth Inn (another friendly pub) in a snug with a Norwegian couple and some young locals, before trying to stay awake for the England game.
- Dragging weary bodies out of bed five hours later to eat breakfast (The Bull Inn does tasty brekkies with a difference – Bircher muesli, Turkish eggs) before catching a steam train to Buckfastleigh where we didn’t partake of any wine but did get wide-eyed watching otters at the sanctuary beside the old railway station. A bonus was spotting a seal in the river on the way to the station.
- Generally chilling out in and outside inviting bars on hot sunny days.
Final Thoughts on Totnes
Once we got over the slightly clichéd new age chic element to the town, Totnes wooed us all over again. The Bull Inn may have been overpriced, but it was a fabulous base. Our room, despite its foibles, was super comfortable. People working in bars, restaurants, shops, and attractions were, to a person, friendly and chatty. From markets and exhibitions to mini festivals and live music in bars, there was always something diverting going on.
Basically, our three days there reminded us exactly what it was about Totnes that made us consider moving there all those years ago.
